Wednesday, 4 October 2017

To Lacey-Niia, Reggie-James and Morning Star,
I'm not sure how. or even why I've decided to write this, but I wanted to try and tell you just how much you mean to me. I've been a mummy since 2011 with you, Morning Star. I may not of gotten to birth you and see your beauty. but just know, I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you until forever. not a day I don't think about whether Reg would look like you, or if Lace has your attitude. but the both of them are every part of you, and that somewhat gives me apart of you. it was no doubt the hardest time in my life when it should of been the happiest. but boy; your stars the brightest. I can't talk about you without tearing up, my heart hurts each day over you. I'm just so sorry. to Lacey-Niia, you saved me. from a mass emotional mess. I'll never forget your intense kicks, wriggles and hiccups that went on inside my stomach whilst pregnant with you. I craved Subway and Cheeseburgers constantly because of you. the nights I'd be up with heartburn, or the sickness from of your constant raves! your love of music came from in the stomach; nothing made you move more than music. the midwife found it incredibly hard to find your heartbeats where you'd move so much, but the touch of your daddys hand got you going like a trooper! I've never panicked harder over a pregnancy like I did with you. every slight niggle, pain or headache made me think everything would happen again. but I was so wrong, you came out stronger, harder and loving than ever. from that moment I saw your peachy little bum, we knew your nickname had to be just that - Bum! I'm ever so sorry, but you shall be called this for life! you wasn't a cry'y baby, you was content with cuddles, music, and anything related to coloured lights. if it lit up, you was drawn to it. you've always been a giggly, dancing, dramatic, overly expressionate little one. everything has to be questioned with you;" why does the sun go and the dark come?" - "why do I need to go to sleep if your not?" - "why can't I drive the car?" - "why can't has a book, got lots of pages?" just afew of the crazy questions you've asked me just recently. I wouldn't change you for the world. everything you do, say and the way you act is everything I love. from your killer smile, big brown eyes and super snuggly cuddles. when your old enough, I will bring out all the photo albums, video's and memories from when you was younger. just to embarrass you, I'll even do it infront of your friends! now to Reggie-James; oh baby boy, it was you and me from the start. pregnancy with you was a tough one. the hospital rushes, the non-found heartbeats to the crazy Apple Tango and Strawberry Milkshake rushes. you was my boy from the beginning. I remember laying in bed, singing to you, and you responding with kicks and swirls. whether you liked my singing or not, it happened ha! the day I had you, and they placed you on me, every single pain went. you've been a mummys boy forever - but to be honest, I don't mind one little bit. although, I could do without you following me into the toilet each time I need to pee! it's like I've not had you as a baby for long, it may be where you've got your big sister who trys to be independent that your just copying - but either way your a strong willed, funny, loving, DANGEROUS little man. theres not a day where you don't conquer that Shark on the living room floor that makes you tackle the sofas for safety, or the non-fear of heights that makes you climb on and up anything you see. you make my heart stop each day with the crazy things you try getting upto, and the amount of times you've fallen without one tear, and thought it was hilarious and fun to try doing it again. the words 'no' to you, don't exist. I've said it so much, that and 'your gonna get hurt, stop!' it's like in your mind - that if it's a no, it's a clear yes! and I'm sure that's only gonna progress as you get older. your relationship with food is amazing, you will eat anything and everything. if theres peas or sweetcorn on someone elses plate bar' yours.. boy best believe you was at that persons knees reaching out to steal them veggies! your precious to me, for reasons you may never understand. and the fact it was you, who showed me that a mans true love is possible, because what better love from a man is there than a sons? both of you have such massive hearts. from the movies nights snuggled up with munchies and duvets to hectic days at the ballpit - these are the memories that I will treasure forever, I'm sorry you have to deal with my camera on you constantly but I want to capture and savour every single thing. cause when your older and too cool to hang out with your mummy - I'll be able to reflect and remember times when you didn't want to be anywhere other than with me. my heart is forever yours. my love is forever true. I'm so proud of you both. conquering new things each day, and I'm thankful I've got the pleasure to say I'm your mummy, and your my babies. so my Bartlett babies, remember all this. and just know, there will be many many more!
I love you. - Mummy