Monday, 29 May 2017

Anxiety is becoming more of a known Mental Illness, but still some still find it a taboo topic to talk about. I have never been shy to talk about things that others may not want to. and this is not an exception. after a long time of stress, worries and panic attacks - I confessed all to my GP and he suggested I take medication for Anxiety. heres what you need to know about Anxiety and what not to say to someone suffering from it.

as I said above, suffering. now some people think that those who say they have Anxiety are purely just wanting attention or whatever. no, don't ever say that. we do suffer from alot of things that you may find incredibly trivial. Anxiety is not being able to concentrate on pretty much anything without constant worries and stressing over everything. it's not being able to sleep til silly o'clock because your mind over plays situations that's happened, or even situations that haven't even occurred and/or may never occur. it's waiting for the bad in everything. something good happens, so whens the bad coming? - it's not wanting to get close to someone, because in your mind eventually they too will leave. it's keeping what is so sacred to you, so incredibly close and forever panicking if it's going to be taken away. it's the sweating and feeling like your breath is being taken away without any control. Anxiety is breaking down in private, crying overwhelmed by the what if's and the extreme procrastination of every single thing. and did I mention, how you feel the need to avoid situations so you don't set off a panic attack? - I avoid alot of places, purely because I go into myself trying to leave and have a panic attack if I'm restricted. I can't perfectly describe what I mean, and if I'm honest that's stressing me out because I know what I want to say, but wording it- mm that's a different story.

Anxiety is on the rise in Britain - in 2016, a third of young women have panic attacks. 

now it may sound silly. but I shake, if I'm around certain people, places, in some situations I shake. it's not incredibly noticable, but if you ever see me biting my nails, rubbing my forehead, or looking down - you can bet I'm shaking and trying my hardest to distract you from noticing. for me, as I have two young children, I have to conceal all this from them. they don't see any kind of clause from me. I will walk into another room if I feel myself becoming flustered, I'll put music on and have a dance with them to take myself and my mind set out of what it's in. having children helps, it's like they are so happy no matter what. they bring me so much joy, and for the time that they are awake, I know they can't see anything like that from me. so yes, I suppose you could say I 'control' it on the outside, but the inside? theres no controlling that.

it feels like theres a voice in the back of your mind telling you that everything is not okay, when infact everything is.if you ever ask me what I want to eat - then just know I really don't know, I will do a menu inside my head and nothing will come out of my mouth because I can't choose. and god forbid you ask me where I want to go out for dinner to - just know what craziness has erupted inside my head. for me, I know when my Anxiety started. my relationship ended in the worst possible way, I was left humiliated, physically bruised and emotionally destroyed. friendships fizzled out and I didn't know who to trust. like, was my destiny to end up here, in this way? my children was what kept me going, their beautiful little faces lit me up and forced down the darkest days.

Anxiety is feeling like no matter what you do, what you wear, what you have - it's never quite enough for your mind to ease. 

going into a certain supermarket, coffee shop, or buying specific things - that proves hard for me sometimes, I avoid all that. not long ago I went to a supermarket with my dad, aunt and my children - and I had to walk out and sit in the car (my children was safe eating their lunch in the cafe with my dad and aunt) because I couldn't face what once was my 'normality'. you won't find me speaking up in a public or crowded place, or answering my phone unless I'm expecting a call. I mean, whats wrong with a text? I know where I stand with a text! I have a Counselor that I'm soon to start seeing, and I'm hoping to god it's going to help. but the thought of having to face the things that panic me, is terrifying me.

some people mistake Anxiety for Depression - but the two are so incredibly different. I have never felt depressed, never felt like I want to harm myself or others. never felt the affects that depression holds. but Anxiety, I can pretty much tick all them boxes.

I can't say enough just how much me talking to my GP really helped without sounding like a 'Get To Know Yourself' Leaflet. but, in all honesty - he didn't judge me. he didn't look at me with pitty, or laugh in my face like I assumed it would be like. he listened. take it from me, from first hand experience. if your suffering from Anxiety and not one person knows about it, inbox me. I'll talk to you, cause you know what. your worth it. and I know how it is to have no one understand you and your inner thoughts.

PS - if your a parent and suffering from Anxiety, don't ever think that this will affect your children. because it doesn't. it's a silent illness that affects no-one, but yourself. parenting abilities doesn't come into it.

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