Friday, 5 June 2015

Goodbyes

I don't know where to start, or to be honest what to say. one of the strongest, most independent women I've ever known recently passed away. as recent as Saturday the 23rd of May. Crystal was my sisters partner of 15 years. and a big part of our family unit. she and my sister moved upto Doncaster years back to start a new life and have a family of their own. of which they did, and have 3 beautiful children, and a big lovely home. Crystal was the sister I never had. sure fair enough I do have a sister, Zena, but to be honest she isn't the kind of person I could go to about periods, boyfriends and girl dramas. it was alittle awkward to do that. so her partner became that someone I could go to. she had the biggest heart, she not only ran a house, looked after 3 of her own kids all under 4, aswel as animals. she also took on her friends children who's mother abandoned them. she did the mother role for them too. what 29 year old can handle 7 kids all at once? she could. she didn't ask for help, or even give up on any of them. I'm so proud to say I knew her, and I'm happy I had a 2 hour long phone conversation with her on the Friday. I'm just so saddened by the fact she was excited and happy for her future, and the plans she had been making. her heart was filled with nothing but love and care for the ones she loved. when I found out she had passed away, it killed like you wouldn't believe. I can't imagine the hurt and pain my sister must be feeling right now. to have lost the love of your life, your soul mate and your bestfriend all in one go. I used to love a song, that had lyrics saying "I hope you get this message that I'm leaving for you, cause I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you too" - them words now mean so much more than ever. as I feel like, maybe there was things that my sister never got to say to her. that loads of people never got to say to her. the thank yous, i love yous, i'm sorrys. it all will never be spoken about, ever again. it kills like a knife. I've not yet seen my sister, but I've been in contact, and hopefully next week I should be seeing my sister and all the kids before the funeral day comes. I can't stress enough to people to tell the ones you love, just how much they mean to you. and just how much you love them. cause that person could be taken away from you at any moment. for me, knowing that Crystal lives on through her 3 beautiful children, and that my sister will be with them still makes it alittle easier to know that, even though they lost their mum at such a terribly young and vulnerable age. that they have my sister to love them, hold them and tell them all about their mummy, how much she loved them and what an amazing woman she was. I don't want to say goodbye, I don't wish to believe it's all real.

1 comment: