Thursday, 24 July 2014

TABO Subject - Miscarriages' Uncovered

Miscarriage is one of those subjects that is classed as 'taboo', but as a Miscarriage sufferer I feel like this needs to change. do you know someone who has had a miscarriage? odds are you do, wether it's a someone from work, passer by, or even a good friend. it's said that in Britain alone, around a quarter of a million women suffer one every year. that is absolutely shocking, and devastating. with not many people willing to discuss this kind of grief, it's hard to be able to come to terms with what has happened.

a lot of women go through the stage of blaming themselves, I myself felt like I was a failure of a women. I couldn't do what women so freely could. my miscarriage was one that I will never forget, as is every other sufferers. I was just alittle over 3 months pregnant with my first baby when I found out I had a miscarriage. it wasn't as straight forward as this though. for around 3 weeks, I was in excruciating pain. my stomach felt asthough someone was repeatedly stabbing me, my head constantly spun, and I was non-stop throwing up. all things, I thought as a nieve 18 year old to be 'normal pregnancy symptoms', I went to A&E first time, and they said that it was nothing and that it was more than likely a bug. but after, I just started feeling even worse, to the point I couldn't see, stand without help or even sleep at night as my stomach and pain just hurt to the point I'd cry for hours. my partner then decided to take things out of my hands and drove me straight to hospital. where I threw up in the waiting area, gross I know. but I had no control over anything at the time. once they had seen the state I was in, they took me through to a private isolated room and kept me on drips and monitoring me. then I was told I needed to be moved to the Princess Anne Hospital which I had to wait 7/8 hours for a Ambulance to take me to, even though it was literally a 2 minute walk across the road! it was disgraceful. once there, they assessed me and told my partner he had to leave. the following morning we went for a scan, not long after we we're called into the Doctors office where we was told that I had a miscarriage. it killed like a knife, and all they did was tell me I needed to sign a consent form to have a D+C to in the doctors very own words ''remove the remainders'' ouch. what a complete arsehole. after that D+C and leaving the hospital. I left with no support, no groups, nothing. just me, and my partner left to deal with it all on our own. it was incredibly hard.

I feel for every woman and man who has had to feel that pain. some people won't understand that kind of pain, but they can try if they were willing. a lot of people feel like their feelings and voice isn't valid, but guess what - everyone is entitled to have their voice heard. I'd love to set up my own group to help women and men who have felt this kind of hurt. to understand that they aren't on their own, or even that they can just talk to someone if needed.

creating a life is one of the most precious things that'll happen to a human in their lifetime. and to have that taken away, for some people with no explanation is unthinkably devastating. I may have a 2 year old daughter now, but it doesn't stop me thinking about the baby boy I lost. his birthday would of been the 13th of October. but, each year - myself and my partner still do something in his memory. wether it's go to dinner, or go to the park we went to when we was planning his life, i.e pushchair, cot, clothes etc. to look at them clothes or things you've brought after the miscarriage isn't something that I can describe easily. it tears me up just writing this up. I felt alone, vulnerable and like my partner didn't want me as I couldn't give him what he wanted. he already had 2 kids, so I felt asthough he thought I failed him, I couldn't give him what someone else had. that done my head in too. not many people are offered counselling, as it's thought of something that needs to be 'moved' on from quickly. well, that doesn't happen. ever.

to this day, I fight a battle with my own feelings about what happened. I don't discuss it with people, I keep it to myself and just vent once in awhile, like now. I know a girl who's been through this situation acouple times herself, Kelly. and she's a blogger too, which I'll leave her link below. she's dealt with inner demons for years, and she's come out on top. even though, she has her days when life isn't her bestfriend. we all deal with our problems in our own ways. but Miscarriage sufferers need to know there is always someone who they can talk to. anonymous or not. there is always someone.
View Kelly's Blog HERE

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