Sunday, 22 April 2018

LOVE; it's something us as people are born to do. we love our family, our partner, our children, friends the list goes on. but love seems to of lost it's meaning along the way. I've never been one to just love on a whim. but the new generation, ( and I say 'new' because, I know I'm only 25 but I'm currently referring to teens to young adults. (13-20) ) the words used in my eyes, too much. you love that new boo after a week? a month? it's controversial but love in my eyes takes time. why would you allow yourself to love someone after so little time? what if you give your all - to get nothing back? I suppose we all have our own beliefs and ways to deal with love. but to me, it's more than just a feeling. it's an emotion, a lifestyle choice, a decision that could possibly make or break everything you are.

Since when did love become limited to a specific sexual orientation? if your heterosexual, gay, bi, pansexual whatever you are, your you and your entitled to love, and be loved too. people are so quick to judge someone else on theres, but in all reality, it's noone elses business. I mean you can't even sign up to a clothing website anymore without having to state your sexual orientation. which, not only violates our privacy, it goes against our human rights. so, your going to judge someone if they want to buy a pair of womans jeans, but they stated they was a male? it's incredible how we're expected to reveal all in a world where theres secrets lying about everywhere.

Saturday, 20 January 2018

It's been awhile since I posted, to be honest - I didn't even know if I should post this update, because afterall I've been extremely MIA on all social media let alone my blog. I wanted some down time from the dramas and pressures of all the social media hypes. I've taken way less photos, and focused on enjoying the special moments with my babies rather than pulling a camera out each time I want to 'keep it to remember', cause I remember all the fun times with my two. anyway, it's been a good start to the new year, my not-so-baby-anymore son turned 2, 2 like how's that work?! sure I only had him not long ago! we celebrated with lots of cake, balloons and obviously presents. it was fun, he sure did have lots of fun. school started back, and that's been a nightmare if I'm honest. I wish schools were more aware of dietary needs rather than making out parents are fussy. my daughters Ceoliac if I haven't mentioned it before, and she's had it since like, forever but only got a diagnosis once I had made umpteen doctors visitors practically begging them to test my daughter for all things due to her constant pain and illnesses. but, even though she went through a shit ton of hospital trips, blood tests, endoscopy and a positive result for ceoliac - the school still don't understand, I had to 'prove' she had it, like take in an official document so they can 'confirm' it, all because I requested that no GLUTEN foods are to be given to her. did they listen?? nope. glutened her 3 times now, each time she's been off school in agony and on the toilet. yet when I explain that they should not of given her that cupcake, cookie etc, the response I got was "we didn't hand it to her, we left it on the side and told them to all take a piece each" - ermm, yeah cause in a 5 year olds mind that totally screams "DO NOT TAKE THE GLUTEN FILLED CAKE AS YOUR NOT ALLOWED IT!", right?! oh and to top it off, it's UNAUTHORISED absense, even though it's due to THEIR ignorance. I decided that I didn't want to be the one in the school playground that kept her mouth closed anymore purely cause I didn't grow up with them and most of them are either way older than me, or alot younger. and started talking to the parents, seeing as our kids are friends, I've gotta make that effort to atleast have conversation. funnily enough, my daughters bestfriends' mum is my age and is just like me in my ways. so no wonder our kids get on so well. also, theres another mum who has a daughter that has ceoliac too, so it's nice to be able to discuss things that sometimes other people just don't get. I'm focused on what I want, where I wanna be and I know that it's not something that will ever be handed to me. so this year it's about making some major changes, I'm nervous but I'm so excited for the future - my babies are literally what keep me going, as cheesy as it sounds as every parent seems to say it, but I don't remember life before them, like who even was I? haha. I made some good friends last year, in places I never thought I would - and even though we're alike in so many ways, we're different in just as many. I find it hard to trust people, hence why I do keep myself to myself, I get on with things and avoid letting people in, purely because 'friends' have betrayed me in ways friends never should. I lost some people I thought would be there forever, but as we all know life can be a bitch and isn't always so kind. I know I know, I'm making things seem pretty cushty of recent, but I've had some stressfilled moments too, like my two toddlers are 5 and 2, and seem to love annoying each other to the point that I have to part them in seperate rooms to calm down and believe me, it's crazy how it goes from lovely cuddles and playing nicely together to them shouting and going at each other like they are complete enemies. sometimes I feel like I don't spend enough time with one or the other when I have to part them, it's a horrible feeling that I'm pretty sure every parent has felt at somepoint. although, dinner times have become abit of a musical now, no joke - each time dinners dished up and on the table we have to sing, or pretend that we're in a resturant and question each other on how we feel our meal is, what we'd like to 'order' for pudding and then I try to creep in the whole LET'S EAT OR WE GET NO PUDDING. and now because theres so many more things my daughter will now finally eat, it seems like it's much more of a joy to cook now, I shit you not I would be cooking all different things each night just to get her to eat something, anything! although, we do now seem to have alot of slow cooked shredded gammon and spaghetti and meatballs now. she loves that! my son, doesn't really get how spaghetti is a food and not a toy HA! one thing that never changes, is the god damned weather - it's either cold, or extremely cold. no inbetween and I'm totally over that to be honest, too much damn ice that not gonna lie, myself and my two have had a good ol' slip on. you should see the school playground when you get into the gates it's like carnage for the grit thats been put out. gotta get it on your boots before you leave to go or else your buggered! this has been a pretty long ramble so I'm gonna time out and stop. I've got more stuff coming soon so I hope you come back to check it out. :)

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

To Lacey-Niia, Reggie-James and Morning Star,
I'm not sure how. or even why I've decided to write this, but I wanted to try and tell you just how much you mean to me. I've been a mummy since 2011 with you, Morning Star. I may not of gotten to birth you and see your beauty. but just know, I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you until forever. not a day I don't think about whether Reg would look like you, or if Lace has your attitude. but the both of them are every part of you, and that somewhat gives me apart of you. it was no doubt the hardest time in my life when it should of been the happiest. but boy; your stars the brightest. I can't talk about you without tearing up, my heart hurts each day over you. I'm just so sorry. to Lacey-Niia, you saved me. from a mass emotional mess. I'll never forget your intense kicks, wriggles and hiccups that went on inside my stomach whilst pregnant with you. I craved Subway and Cheeseburgers constantly because of you. the nights I'd be up with heartburn, or the sickness from of your constant raves! your love of music came from in the stomach; nothing made you move more than music. the midwife found it incredibly hard to find your heartbeats where you'd move so much, but the touch of your daddys hand got you going like a trooper! I've never panicked harder over a pregnancy like I did with you. every slight niggle, pain or headache made me think everything would happen again. but I was so wrong, you came out stronger, harder and loving than ever. from that moment I saw your peachy little bum, we knew your nickname had to be just that - Bum! I'm ever so sorry, but you shall be called this for life! you wasn't a cry'y baby, you was content with cuddles, music, and anything related to coloured lights. if it lit up, you was drawn to it. you've always been a giggly, dancing, dramatic, overly expressionate little one. everything has to be questioned with you;" why does the sun go and the dark come?" - "why do I need to go to sleep if your not?" - "why can't I drive the car?" - "why can't has a book, got lots of pages?" just afew of the crazy questions you've asked me just recently. I wouldn't change you for the world. everything you do, say and the way you act is everything I love. from your killer smile, big brown eyes and super snuggly cuddles. when your old enough, I will bring out all the photo albums, video's and memories from when you was younger. just to embarrass you, I'll even do it infront of your friends! now to Reggie-James; oh baby boy, it was you and me from the start. pregnancy with you was a tough one. the hospital rushes, the non-found heartbeats to the crazy Apple Tango and Strawberry Milkshake rushes. you was my boy from the beginning. I remember laying in bed, singing to you, and you responding with kicks and swirls. whether you liked my singing or not, it happened ha! the day I had you, and they placed you on me, every single pain went. you've been a mummys boy forever - but to be honest, I don't mind one little bit. although, I could do without you following me into the toilet each time I need to pee! it's like I've not had you as a baby for long, it may be where you've got your big sister who trys to be independent that your just copying - but either way your a strong willed, funny, loving, DANGEROUS little man. theres not a day where you don't conquer that Shark on the living room floor that makes you tackle the sofas for safety, or the non-fear of heights that makes you climb on and up anything you see. you make my heart stop each day with the crazy things you try getting upto, and the amount of times you've fallen without one tear, and thought it was hilarious and fun to try doing it again. the words 'no' to you, don't exist. I've said it so much, that and 'your gonna get hurt, stop!' it's like in your mind - that if it's a no, it's a clear yes! and I'm sure that's only gonna progress as you get older. your relationship with food is amazing, you will eat anything and everything. if theres peas or sweetcorn on someone elses plate bar' yours.. boy best believe you was at that persons knees reaching out to steal them veggies! your precious to me, for reasons you may never understand. and the fact it was you, who showed me that a mans true love is possible, because what better love from a man is there than a sons? both of you have such massive hearts. from the movies nights snuggled up with munchies and duvets to hectic days at the ballpit - these are the memories that I will treasure forever, I'm sorry you have to deal with my camera on you constantly but I want to capture and savour every single thing. cause when your older and too cool to hang out with your mummy - I'll be able to reflect and remember times when you didn't want to be anywhere other than with me. my heart is forever yours. my love is forever true. I'm so proud of you both. conquering new things each day, and I'm thankful I've got the pleasure to say I'm your mummy, and your my babies. so my Bartlett babies, remember all this. and just know, there will be many many more!
I love you. - Mummy