Saturday, 17 November 2018

since becoming a mummy at 19 I realized a lot of things, some small, some major and some damn right diabolical. I get that things do change when you have children, but how come going to the toilet has to be either schduelled in if they are napping or in the arms of another or your on full show with baby, toddler, teenager watching you. it’s a basic human right to do that alone, right? eh-eh WRONG. you shall hear those little feet tap away to find you to bombard you with a billion questions. how about bed times, like it’s all well and good when they are new born you expect to have rough night sleeps, but toddlers are a whole different story, some sleep all night, some have scattered sleep, and some just don’t sleep at all. I have both my daughter sleeps all night (unless she has a nightmare), but my son wakes up as and when he wishes to. I’ll give you afew examples - he’s nearly 3 so he’ll wake up, won’t cry, he’ll toddle into my bedroom, climb into my bed wake me up asking for a burger and fries. yup at silly oclock in the morning BURGER AND FRIES. I kid you not!! I laughed so much and so that was me up for the rest of the night. my son on the otherhand, nope request got shut down so he went back to sleep, in my bed of course cause I mean, who wants to get into their own bed? (memeME)! talking of beds, you do not realise the comfort of sleeping in a bed without a fidgity little human next to you ramming their feet on your arse, back, face and the over expressed ‘stretch’ that can quite clearly knock you out. I have a surprised yet impressed expression on my face every time. 

eating your dinner becomes a chore or a dirty little secret, I say this because you cook for however long your meal has taken, you plate up everyones dinner, sit down and god forbid you have the same as them and yours looks tastier, you just know each time - your food will have little hands prodding and poking and taking what they wish. I mean, I can’t complain too much as if they’re eating it’s a good thing. but not if they’ve plastered sauce on theirs and decided it was no longer liked, and so they now claim yours and you’re left staring at that plate thinking “no, I am not touching that.”  so you revert to having to wait til they to go to bed, or you ‘sneak’ bits in your mouth at a time like a true FBI agent. and whilst I’ve mentioned FBI why is it you’ve got to know where everything is? “I didn’t move, touch or hold possession of that item, why ask me? but yes I shall have a look for you.” - Child “I found it mummy” hmm. why. ask. then?

I always said I wanted children young, 7 to be exact. not sure why, I’m one of 5, so I guess having a big family was something I always wanted. but I’ve got two, and at nearly 26, I’m happy with that. I get to run about, do silly things and enjoy life with them, so right now 2 is enough. 

I’ve made a joke about it, but in all honesty, I’ve learnt that you will think differently once you have a child/ren, it’s inevitable. there is no book that will tell you everything, you learn as you go. we all make mistakes, but we learn from them. and we learn what our own childs needs are that can sometimes be more than others. nothing is more important to me than making sure my kids are happy, smiling, clothed, fed, warm and most of all loved. day-to-day life can be a pain sometimes but, thats just the way it is. we as parents ‘lose our shit’ from time to time, and that is OK! I can’t imagine my life without my two, I’ll be cherishing these years with them as when they’re older days out with mummy, sleepovers in my bed, movie nights and snuggles will be a thing of the past. as much as it pains me to say, I’ll someday have to share them with another who takes their heart. 

so the round this all up, I'm going to leave afew pointers below:

  • Possessions don't mean anything, you could lose it all but you have your kids and thats all that matters.
  • Love isn't real love until you grow, birth and nurture a human that is apart of you.
  • you naturally become more emotional and connected to Charities that are dedicated to children, I.e Children In Need, Comic Relief etc.
  • the 'carefree' life is gone, you're now fully committed to routine, and thrive off Planning to do lists.
  • to not take yourself so seriously, remember when we all would need to wear makeup everyday before someone could see us? when we had to go to those parties or we'd be left out at the next one? when you have children you become a silly, overgrown, Blippi and Baby Shark despising parent. 
  • being YOU is enough, parenthood can be lonely. stay connected to family and friends.

Sunday, 22 April 2018

LOVE; it's something us as people are born to do. we love our family, our partner, our children, friends the list goes on. but love seems to of lost it's meaning along the way. I've never been one to just love on a whim. but the new generation, ( and I say 'new' because, I know I'm only 25 but I'm currently referring to teens to young adults. (13-20) ) the words used in my eyes, too much. you love that new boo after a week? a month? it's controversial but love in my eyes takes time. why would you allow yourself to love someone after so little time? what if you give your all - to get nothing back? I suppose we all have our own beliefs and ways to deal with love. but to me, it's more than just a feeling. it's an emotion, a lifestyle choice, a decision that could possibly make or break everything you are.

Since when did love become limited to a specific sexual orientation? if your heterosexual, gay, bi, pansexual whatever you are, your you and your entitled to love, and be loved too. people are so quick to judge someone else on theres, but in all reality, it's noone elses business. I mean you can't even sign up to a clothing website anymore without having to state your sexual orientation. which, not only violates our privacy, it goes against our human rights. so, your going to judge someone if they want to buy a pair of womans jeans, but they stated they was a male? it's incredible how we're expected to reveal all in a world where theres secrets lying about everywhere.

Saturday, 20 January 2018

It's been awhile since I posted, to be honest - I didn't even know if I should post this update, because afterall I've been extremely MIA on all social media let alone my blog. I wanted some down time from the dramas and pressures of all the social media hypes. I've taken way less photos, and focused on enjoying the special moments with my babies rather than pulling a camera out each time I want to 'keep it to remember', cause I remember all the fun times with my two. anyway, it's been a good start to the new year, my not-so-baby-anymore son turned 2, 2 like how's that work?! sure I only had him not long ago! we celebrated with lots of cake, balloons and obviously presents. it was fun, he sure did have lots of fun. school started back, and that's been a nightmare if I'm honest. I wish schools were more aware of dietary needs rather than making out parents are fussy. my daughters Ceoliac if I haven't mentioned it before, and she's had it since like, forever but only got a diagnosis once I had made umpteen doctors visitors practically begging them to test my daughter for all things due to her constant pain and illnesses. but, even though she went through a shit ton of hospital trips, blood tests, endoscopy and a positive result for ceoliac - the school still don't understand, I had to 'prove' she had it, like take in an official document so they can 'confirm' it, all because I requested that no GLUTEN foods are to be given to her. did they listen?? nope. glutened her 3 times now, each time she's been off school in agony and on the toilet. yet when I explain that they should not of given her that cupcake, cookie etc, the response I got was "we didn't hand it to her, we left it on the side and told them to all take a piece each" - ermm, yeah cause in a 5 year olds mind that totally screams "DO NOT TAKE THE GLUTEN FILLED CAKE AS YOUR NOT ALLOWED IT!", right?! oh and to top it off, it's UNAUTHORISED absense, even though it's due to THEIR ignorance. I decided that I didn't want to be the one in the school playground that kept her mouth closed anymore purely cause I didn't grow up with them and most of them are either way older than me, or alot younger. and started talking to the parents, seeing as our kids are friends, I've gotta make that effort to atleast have conversation. funnily enough, my daughters bestfriends' mum is my age and is just like me in my ways. so no wonder our kids get on so well. also, theres another mum who has a daughter that has ceoliac too, so it's nice to be able to discuss things that sometimes other people just don't get. I'm focused on what I want, where I wanna be and I know that it's not something that will ever be handed to me. so this year it's about making some major changes, I'm nervous but I'm so excited for the future - my babies are literally what keep me going, as cheesy as it sounds as every parent seems to say it, but I don't remember life before them, like who even was I? haha. I made some good friends last year, in places I never thought I would - and even though we're alike in so many ways, we're different in just as many. I find it hard to trust people, hence why I do keep myself to myself, I get on with things and avoid letting people in, purely because 'friends' have betrayed me in ways friends never should. I lost some people I thought would be there forever, but as we all know life can be a bitch and isn't always so kind. I know I know, I'm making things seem pretty cushty of recent, but I've had some stressfilled moments too, like my two toddlers are 5 and 2, and seem to love annoying each other to the point that I have to part them in seperate rooms to calm down and believe me, it's crazy how it goes from lovely cuddles and playing nicely together to them shouting and going at each other like they are complete enemies. sometimes I feel like I don't spend enough time with one or the other when I have to part them, it's a horrible feeling that I'm pretty sure every parent has felt at somepoint. although, dinner times have become abit of a musical now, no joke - each time dinners dished up and on the table we have to sing, or pretend that we're in a resturant and question each other on how we feel our meal is, what we'd like to 'order' for pudding and then I try to creep in the whole LET'S EAT OR WE GET NO PUDDING. and now because theres so many more things my daughter will now finally eat, it seems like it's much more of a joy to cook now, I shit you not I would be cooking all different things each night just to get her to eat something, anything! although, we do now seem to have alot of slow cooked shredded gammon and spaghetti and meatballs now. she loves that! my son, doesn't really get how spaghetti is a food and not a toy HA! one thing that never changes, is the god damned weather - it's either cold, or extremely cold. no inbetween and I'm totally over that to be honest, too much damn ice that not gonna lie, myself and my two have had a good ol' slip on. you should see the school playground when you get into the gates it's like carnage for the grit thats been put out. gotta get it on your boots before you leave to go or else your buggered! this has been a pretty long ramble so I'm gonna time out and stop. I've got more stuff coming soon so I hope you come back to check it out. :)